Last week, I wrote a blog about simplifying the holiday decorations to make Thanksgiving and Christmas less stressful. Below is my father’s response. Read it and you’ll understand where my sense of humor comes from.
Hello Youngest Progeny:
Okay so you have come up with a great plan, but how does that help me contend with your Mother who is the ultimate crazed Christmas elf and is going to subject me to days of Holiday related fun? I already have instructions to bring up the Mega Tree as soon as you and the rest of the family leave Thanksgiving Day so that she can start the full-blown Xmas insanity. She already started baking the first of the multitude of absolutely required Xmas cookies so the boys can decorate them (As I recall you get sucked into the decorating). Maybe now would be a good time to start drinking wine.
Back before you and your sister were created I have a vague recollection of perceiving Christmas and various other holiday as events that did not materially impact my life. I just needed to buy something for her. Then your sister arrived followed by you, and your Mother started her metamorphosis into the obsessive compulsive Christmas fanatic that is currently upstairs doing lord knows what to kick off Thanksgiving and Xmas. I know it involves pies and turkeys etc and that I will be called upon to perform a few minimal tasks. There are yellow legal pads covered with notes to ensure nothing is missed.
After 48+ years I get to be here 24-7 with her plus my 92-year-old Aunt to experience every moment of fun leading up to and finally ending on the 2nd of January. Do I still have the strength? You escaped to your dog sanctuary where you avoid 98% of her irrational search to bring meaning to life via Xmas and other less traumatic family events that occur at various points during the year.
So while you were able to cut and run I see no hope for mitigating the events that have started and will continue like global warming over which I have no hope of control or gaining any form of relief other than ending up on the wrong side of the grass.
I have to close as a voice from on high has requested that I bring up the bird, the extra breast (have to be sure there is enough white meat for you and your husband) and of course the packages of thighs required for making the mega vat of dressing which is actually pretty fabulous. . While I doubt you will actually be able to empathize with the true level of pain I have endured over the decades (mostly with a smile on my face), I trust that my comments will evoke some tiny pang of guilt for doing little if anything to alleviate my pain or even global warming.
Love & Hugs
The Dad