Today I have decided to rant about one of my least favorite things: dress shopping. There are women who wear dresses all the time and look wonderful. I am not one of those women. Whenever I put on a dress, I look like a fire-hydrant: short, blocky, you get the idea. I can wear pants, capris, jeans and feel good about myself. This is not an I’d-look-good-in-a-dress-if-I-lost weight post. I am probably ten or more pounds over my ideal weight and I’m okay with that. This is a my-body-is-weird-because-I-do-not-go-in-at-the-waist post.

I remember as a kid, I loaned a friend clothes when she spent the night. She changed into the jeans I’d given her and then asked for a belt because the waistband stood out several inches from her actual waist. (Keep in mind that this was long ago, and far away when my jean size was in the single digits.) I remember being surprised at the difference in our body shapes because I’d never really noticed that I didn’t have a waist.

Why am I ranting about dress shopping? The Utopia Conference is coming up in a few weeks. There are several “red-carpet” events where the authors, writers, readers, and bloggers dress up in gowns and cocktail dresses. Seeing as this is my fourth time attending, I decided to join in the fun and purchase a sparkly dress.

At this point I have tried on about forty dresses. I found one that sort of worked. After bringing it home and trying it on again, I discovered that I must’ve been at the desperate and delusional phase of shopping when I purchased the dress because it makes me look like a float in a parade. Now what? I guess I’ll return the dress and look for a nice pair of black pants and a sparkly top. Wish me luck.