I’m sharing one of my favorite excerpts from 99% Faking It.

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My fake boyfriend stood near my locker after school, looking at his cell. I took a moment to appreciate the way he filled out his blue flannel shirt and his jeans. Some guys might look like hicks. He just looked…huggable. When he glanced up and smiled at me my heart did a little tap dance…and that was wrong. It’s fake. Fake. Fake. Fake.

“Hey.” He lowered his phone. “West asked if we wanted to go to the movies with him and Nina tomorrow.”

That could be a low pressure situation because we wouldn’t have to deal with the awkward conversations we seemed to be having lately. “What movie?”

He laughed. “Shouldn’t you say yes to the date first and then ask about the movie?”

“I must have missed that lesson in how-to-date-like-a- normal-girl class.”
“Not sure you fall under the category of normal,” he shot back. “There’re a couple of action movies.”

He passed me his phone with the theater information pulled up. I scanned past a violent horror flick that no mentally healthy person should want to see, and skipped over one of those movies where they try to make everyone cry by killing off the main character’s love interest. I never understood the point of those movies. That whole cathartic crying thing was crap. There was a movie about computers taking over the planet. Those were usually entertaining, as long as the people weren’t too stupid. There was a bank robbery movie and something about vampires and humans teaming up against zombies.

“I’m in for the evil computers or the vampire movie.” I preferred things that couldn’t possibly happen in real life.

“Either one works for me,” he said.

“Good.” Now what?

He shoved his phone in his pocket and glanced around like someone might be watching us. “Want to walk out to the parking lot together?”

“Sure. That seems like a couple-y thing to do.”

“Couple-y?”
“Something couples do.”
“Yeah.” He scratched his head. “I’m pretty sure that’s not a word.”

“It is now.”

“You should create your own online dictionary.”
“Not a bad idea. I can call it Lisa’s Lexicon.”
“Lexi what?”
“Lexicon. I didn’t make that one up. It means vocabulary.”
“And you couldn’t just say that?”
“Nope.” I grinned. “The double L sounds better.”

“Sure it does.” He gestured down the hall. “Let’s get out of here.”

We joined the crowd of students shuffling past each other, eager to get out of the building. Most of the couples were holding hands. Wondering how Matt would react, I reached for his hand. He missed a step and looked down at our joined hands.

“Now who’s confused about the rules of dating?” I pointed at the couple in front of us.

“A little warning would be nice.”

He sounded annoyed and that kind of ticked me off. “So sorry I got girl germs on you.” I pulled my hand from his like I was joking, even though I wasn’t.

He laughed. “I stopped being afraid of girl germs a long time ago.” He grabbed my hand and laced his fingers through mine. “I don’t like surprises.”

We exited the building and headed for the parking lot. “You must be really fun at surprise birthday parties.”

“The good thing about being a twin is you’re not the only person standing there feeling stupid while people sing to you.”

“Why would having someone sing happy birthday make you feel stupid?”

“I don’t like being the center of attention.”

Something clicked into place. “Charlie talks more than you.”

Matt nodded.
“You’re the quieter twin.” I’d never thought of it that way. It explained a few things, like maybe why he’d never asked Jane on a date.

The gravel of the parking lot crunched under our feet as we angled left toward my car. Once we came to a stop, I noticed that the other real couples were kissing each other goodbye. I felt like giving Matt a little crap. “Fair warning since you are surprise-phobic. At some point you might have to kiss me, just to convince people this is real.”

He dropped my hand and backed away from me like I hadn’t bathed in a week. “Not going to happen.”

“Wow.” That kind of stung. “You really know how to make a girl feel special.” I climbed into my car, slammed the door, and locked it. What was his problem? I’d been joking. Still, I hadn’t expected him to recoil in disgust.

Matt knocked on the window. “Lisa?”

Nope. I flipped him off, put the car in reverse, and backed out of my parking spot. Dating Matt was supposed to make Trey see me as datable. Having Matt act all awkward around me was not upping my cool points. It made me seem less datable. And I wasn’t okay with that. So far Operation Fake Boyfriend was a complete waste of time.

As soon as I entered my house, I called Nina and unloaded on her.

“That’s so weird,” Nina said. “I mean, maybe he doesn’t want to be your real boyfriend, but why would he freak out about the idea of kissing you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he thinks I’ll fall madly in love with him.” The odds of that happening weren’t good, especially since he was being such a jerk.

“It’s weird that he could be a good friend and make such a terrible fake boyfriend,” Nina said. “Unless maybe he’s afraid he’ll fall for you.”
“Right.” I laughed. “He wants a quirky blonde, not a boringly normal brunette.”
“You’re not boring.”
“You have to say that because you’re my friend.” I lay back on my bed and closed my eyes. “Is it wrong that I want to find some way to torment him?”

“No. I’d say that’s healthy. And I think the movie date will be the perfect way to do that.”

“Game on.”

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